Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
