I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My breasts were aching with rage.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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