Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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