my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
