Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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