just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
