Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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