Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
