Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
