Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
