i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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