Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
