I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
