We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
