Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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