i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
