Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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