She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
