Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
organizing the empties. That sober.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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