i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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