My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
