Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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