Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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