We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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