I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
