All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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