Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
