hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize