Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
