Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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