allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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