At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
