I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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