I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
