the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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