just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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