We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
