He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
