do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
