i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
