how can u be prego again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
