The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
