TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize