Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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