in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
