just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
