I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was confusing and full of hummus
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
