You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
