I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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