Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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