she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
