My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
