just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
