used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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