not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just google imaged poop.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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