She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
