Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
