I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I understand Curling. That high.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
