I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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