Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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