i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
