If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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