I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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