Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
